But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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