The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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