I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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