If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
be right there i have to get my cape
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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