who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
