about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
