she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
