True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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