dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
