he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
