Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
