Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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