Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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