Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
