we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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