I just saw a hot homeless man
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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