What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
