So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
