So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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