The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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