All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
