im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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