isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
