First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
