just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
