She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
