Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
