You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
