We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
