I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
