k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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