I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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