i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
