just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
