No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
