the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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