on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i came on her dog
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
