Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
