he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
