Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
