Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
