I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
