Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
