Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You can't motorboat a personality
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
