if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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