I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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