so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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