I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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