The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
