when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
