You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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